i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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