I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
