i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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