is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were destined to go to rehab together
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
