THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
now i know why i became what i already was.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
