Don't you send me to vm
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
