After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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