You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize