i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
