my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
