she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
