he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize