I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my shit smells like andre
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
