I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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