So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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