In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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