Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
