she was so not down for the gang bang
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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