She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
