Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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