i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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