So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
