so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
