wakey wakey hands off snakey
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
