And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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