I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
