i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
