Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
