Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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