I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
