at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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