It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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