My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do vagina's smell?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
