so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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