I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
