i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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