If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ttyl tear gas
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
