He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
