I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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