I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
