how can u be prego again
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
