Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
