i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
