On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
