The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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