i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
