i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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