i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
