there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
