So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
