Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
