His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
