I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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