it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
