our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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