The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
