everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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