Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
