she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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