people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
