He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
