Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize