Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
