he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
