If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
