I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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