Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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