Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
