If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
