What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
