you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
